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Manlifesto


"your not a man if you dont agree with this"

- an idiot



Manlypoints are my way of pissing about with masculine ideals by 'analysing' action films. (Well, that's the post hoc of it, anyway.) The norms listed below are as cartoonish and unreal as the films are; I'm really not aiming for sociology. It is a science of testicles, bullets and beer.

That said: what more prevalent and glamorous source of roles is there, than pop culture? Whence values?




PROTOCOL



  1. Rugged Individualism: Take the protagonist of a film.



  2. Shallowness: For the first c.5min scene, give the character a score out of 25 for their appearance, demeanour, voice etc. and another out of 25 for what they're doing in it.



  3. Competition: Note and score the instances where they "are manly" (fulfill a normative masculine role) Points awarded scale to degree of manly Thing, but remember that numbers are fundamentally arbitrary.



  4. Of A Hierarchical Bent: Tot up, give summarizing bonus, carp like a seal.

    If you're nerdier than me, you'll also stopwatch their time onscreen and derive a Rate of Manly.



It makes for a good teamsport: intuitions/socializations differ, kills are disputed and so on. And apart from anything else, it's very easy to enjoy yourself when you are watching in this mode. Though, since it's a dissection without any aesthetic sense to it, it also ruins films. And what a waste it has been!



Note - Women can and have been 'pointed; Uma Thurman's Beatrix Kiddo in particular currently rests easily at 4th overall in the chart (this despite her performance in Vol.2). Sadly, she's an exception in mainstream cinema's willingness to represent the potential for stubbornness, coldness and small-mindedness - that is, manliness - among women.




1. THINGS WHAT EARN MANLYPOINTS


WILL/POWER



  • Violence.


  • being stoic, conceited, amoral, and reckless; aloof, stubborn, cruel, caustic, misanthropic, prejudiced, nihilistic, sociopathic, self-sufficient, haggard, independent, free: above all, individualism


  • being deep, self-sacrificing, moralistic, and dependable; patriotic, honourable, principled, protective, entitled, liked, trusted, "noble"; keeping a nuclear family: above all, paternalism


  • Authority (points for tangible signs of)


  • asserting dominance (winning things, leading things, fucking things)




PRAGMATISM



  • Knowledge, but only hard practical or for dominance


  • Anti-intellectualism; wilful stupidity; lack of curiosity


  • Criticism, harsher the better


  • General insensitivity, emotional and empathic


  • Grit


HEDONISM



  • Disrespect for authority


  • Food fetishism, especially meat


  • Muscle fetishism


  • Consumerism, conspicuous if possible


  • wit, or more likely cheesy one-liner puns


  • Innuendo, more crass the better


  • Being large, and some athleticism


  • Sex


  • Penis


  • Hair is tricky - golden mean


  • Big car / biker and things


  • Lifting the heavy thing


  • Defiant Underdog


  • Rock music, sometimes


  • Sports, within reason


  • Women In Refrigerators






2. THINGS WHAT LOSE MANLYPOINTS



  • The items of part 1. backwards, dur


  • "Telling women how you feel inside or worst crying (huge offence)"


  • Female friends


  • Appearing/being inferior


  • Cowardice


  • All manner of nerdishness


  • Remembering their name afterwards


  • Housework


  • Crying (-1 point/tear)


  • Accepting help in most situations, especially financial



The best bit is that it's uncovered a basic contradiction amidst all the absurdity and repressive bullshit (which is what our ideal for masculinity amounts to):


the asshole and the hero
the beast and the noble
vulgarity and suaveness
ignorance and elitism

Both are ideals, successful delusions of what males should be. Anti-heroes, those who save the day despite minimal effort, or indeed active evil, should thus be considered the way out, and the pinnacle of cinematic manliness. Saying that, we've 'pointed few antagonists so far.




The worst part is that there is already a thriving meme for "manpoints": a properly pathetic and oppressive subculture of men taking the activity seriously (see point 3 below). I probably shouldn't be surprised; it's only reflecting the general misogyny and cock-brained nonsense that political correctness just drove underground.

Note their endless (compensatory) rule-making, too!

Visual,
occupational,
emotional,
imaginative,
hygienic,
- even what fucking drinks they will permit themselves!

The regulation speaks to their fear, our fear of being disqualified from privilege by a stray pink shirt or tendresse. - Even "just for fun, you fascist! no less ironic than you, douche!"

("Patriarchy" is a bloody unhelpful term, full of counterproductive melodrama. It evokes a smoky room full of Bad Guys plotting in detail how to perpetuate symbolic and legal gender oppressions, when what it actually refers to is more innocuous and terrible than that.)

If you trace the lines in the sand hard enough, maybe the tide won't come in (and you won't come out.)

Note that all this does require me to swallow the heavyish claim that a joke is never just a joke.


"The Terminator never exfoliates, neither does John McClane and neither should you."



3. THINGS WHAT ARE NOT MANLYPOINTING


  • "The Bro Code"
    "If you are a woman reading this...I urge you to look at this document for what it is- a piece of fiction meant to entertain a broad audience though the prism of stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really is like we're from different planets! Clearly, no real person would actually believe or adhere to the vulgar rules contained within."


Uh huh.



  • "menarebetterthanwomen.com": I really don't know what to say to this. An unremitting heap of poisonous shite. This bit's unintentionally droll as well as nauseating, though:

    "Women are banned from MenAreBetterThanWomen.com not only because they’re annoying as fuck and the logical knots that I, Dick Masterson, tie around the million viper-like heads of feminism would make their fragile little heads explode — and get glitter and donkey shit all over the place; but women are also banned because they’re fascists."



  • "Man Points" comes close to a system, but displays a pitiful, downright effeminate willingness to submit to rules. Note the successful facebook group, too. (See also the more measured sexist bullshit here.)



  • "Hall of Viking Manliness." Oh dear. This is what manlypoints would be if there was a coup conducted by Donald Rumsfeld and the band Manowar. Note the important linking of manliness to conservatism; leftism, of course, is effeminate.
"Kerry King is the lead guitarist for Slayer, the most ass-kicking manly band in the world. If you are thinking to yourself "How about Slipknot or Korn?" you are a nu-metal pussy... As you may have guessed, this shit is not for pussies, women, or anyone but real men. First of all, look at the fucking beast, tattoos everywhere, shaved head, pissed goatee, he is not there to impress little 16 year-old chicks and be interviewed by some brainless faggot (sorry, homosexual lover of men) on MTV, he lives to wail and rock hard."


  • The Bechdel Test: Neat little feminist turn attacking the slavishness of scriptwriters. None of the films above pass, I'm sure.



  • "IMFDB" Gun nerds discuss in detail what precise model and configuration of guns are used in films. In reality, pooterish obsession with kit and spec is indeed very male, but not in this box.


"Watching videos of manly men compels me to assimilate their masculinity.
I am a guy.
I am a man."






  • Man Points.me Harmless. Glorifies the crashing stupidity of manliness. Don't get worked up, they're only children.



  • Body Counters count the number of living things which die in a film, which is all very well and boohoo ethical, but the approach lacks both the killer individualism of manlypoints and its disregard for pedantism.



  • This is much better, "researched" though it was by a professor of politics making a point about how the Rambo series / action films in general have grown more incontinent:

It highlights a number of key indicators for manliness, like: violence-as-the-only-solution; muscle fetishism; moral absolutism and apodixis; most films' willingness to emotionally manipulate us; and sex.




4. THINGS WHAT ARE DISAGREED ON



Ok, so this is thing is clearly a very silly mode of inquiry into reality. But that doesn't mean that we can't get fractious and pedantic about it, now does it?


CONTENTION No.1: Entering the military.

On this site, under my roof, this gains no manlypoints. Why:

1. It is a surrender of the self

While most drill sergeants are solid mid-score performers (hell, the very name of their rank is a +4!), you being made to lick their authority/shoes/scrote isn't. Independence is a key part of any manly ideology.

2. A man ought not be told when to kill

Military shit involves much that is morally and spiritually degrading, but the primary one is: Murder at the whistle. Good dog.

Oh? he was trying to kill you? Self-defence?
I can't imagine why he'd decide to self-defend from your selfdefense, or your trampling updown the carbonized skeleton of his way of life. Your death at his hands would have been similarly abhorrent. He would have earned as much contempt as you now do.

Being drafted is tricky - though I'd award conscientious objectors for their moral courage and nonconformism if I could get away with it. Since basically everyone in the league table are ex or current soldiers, there's no negative mod either; +24 -24, say.


CONTENTION No.2: Drugs

Mostly, no. Downers, again, loss of Self; Uppers...feminizing. Though coke seems to make folk do manly things.


CONTENTION No.3: Homosexuality

(♂) There's twice as many men, what the fuck do you think?
(♀) Mrnrhr.


CONTENTION No.4:
This.

Common objection is that counting your points, or kills, or whatever, is an unforgivable nerdism. However: by turning war into a game, they are trivialising the lives they are ending, making their assault nonchalant: manly.


CONTENTION No.5: Why is violence manly?

It is indirectly so: an act of violence is an active symptom of will. It is a demonstration and a reification of one's agency. As well as a connection between sentient organisms (and a more sincere interaction than most). Also, one reason people become pacifists is a well-developed sense of empathy, an unforgivable act of intersubjective delusion.

Please note, if you haven't already, that the above is repugnant Nietzschean bullshit. More to come.

"Rasczak: You. Why are only citizens allowed to vote?
Student: It's a reward. Something the federation gives you for doing federal service.
Rasczak: No. Something given has no basis in value. When you vote, you are exercising political authority, you're using force. And force my friends is violence. The supreme authority from which all other authorities are derived."


CONTENTION No.6: Torture

Grng. Unresolved despite long drunken discourse (ethics in the way); ad hoc. Fuck Jack Bauer.


CONTENTION No.7:




"Bleeding is your skin crying and crying is for pussies."


CONTENTION No.8: LEONIDAS?!

He's in it for about 30mins and so doesn't score too much, quit whining.

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