Plant Milk Review

"a live cow makes a lion salivate, whereas a human just wants to say 'moo' and see if the cow responds.”
– Scott Adams

I've been building up sacrificing dairy in my head: I've been being meanminded. The main thing to say against it is "It takes some getting used to" - and what a contemptible wisp of an argument. (Could also say that the substitutes are twice as expensive, and hard to find, but this is Today and Here.)

All the supermarkets are stocking some bloody odd alternatives these days, even outlets that aren't indecently big. So, what criteria? Not "closeness to cowjuice". Not "nutrition", though vegists do need to think about that more than most.


"Alpro Sweetened"
Base: Soya
Costs: £1.09/L
Tastes: Guchh.
Is: High in protein. Apparently 5% of UK are allergic to soy.

"Alpro Unsweetened"
Base: Soya
Costs: £1.09/L
Tastes: Insipid but much better.
Is: High in protein.
(There's also this tiny carton of soya cream you can get which improves matters.)


"Rice Dream"
Base: Rice
Costs: £1.38/L
Tastes: Curious. Bit sweet. Easily acclimatise tho. I prefer the fortified one to the Organic shiz.
Is: Totally non-allergenic. If you're allergic to rice then you're fucked anyway.


"Sharbat bil Loz"
Base: Almonds
Costs: £1.30/L for ingredients, but requires preparation.
Tastes: Light and nutty.
Is: Authentically medieval Europe. Authentic Beijing. Authentic Iran.


"Oatly"
Base: Oats
Costs: £1.10/L
Tastes: Cowy, though the amount of fibre is tangible.
Is: Beta-glucan


"GOOD Hemp"
Base: Hemp.
Costs: £1.70/L
Tastes: Creamy but oily.
Is: Full of omega-3, which vegists find hard to get. As eco as it gets.


"Kara Dairy Free"
Base: Coconut
Costs: £1.29/L
Tastes: Good but plasticy aftertaste. Not very coconutty.
Is: Ok.


Horchata de Chufas
Base: Tigernut
Costs: £1/L ingredients, needs prep.
Tastes: Good. Slightly oily.
Is: Proteiny.

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So, not a bad run. Most of these are worth trying, except hemp. Almond milk is best, but you've to make it yourself. Ricemilk with soy cream mixed in is my drug of choice.

Next self-improvement: the slaying of Cheese, and fucking daunting it is too.